And Now the Tables Turn

When Jessica and I knew we were going to have a child, we collected all the teaching materials we could find about parenting from a Christian perspective. We listened to a lot of tapes on parenting from a variety of sources. We still do. And one of the biggest themes that the speakers we were listening to hammered into their audience over and over was the need for good, consistent Christian discipline.

I grew up in a home where my mom and dad pretty much let us do what we wanted (as long as it wasn't illegal), and I felt that my son needed to grow in ways that I hadn't, so I took in this message on discipline like a magnet takes in metal. Unfortunately, I think that I have done more harm than good to my son, who now sees me as more of a tyrant than a dad.

I'm not saying discipline isn't a good part of a Christian home.

Let's get real, parents--it's a NECESSARY part of ANY home.

If you want to spend the rest of your natural life pulling your hair out wondering what terrible things your son or daughter might do to you or your furniture, you can leave your children to their own devices, but every home--Christian or not--has to have some sort of parental discipline in order to function (and, yes, in order for the children to grow as they should).

However, I wonder if this emphasis on discipline in Christian teachings is a little over the top. Most of the tapes I have listened to, for example, all contain assertions that you can teach your children to be self-disciplined and patient even when they're 12-18 months old. Ladies and gentlemen, I agree that you can do a lot (probably more than most people think) to shape the character and personality of a 12-18 month-old, but most of that depends more on who YOU are than who your child is.

I'm hard on my son, because I think he deserves to have a father who believes in him, who pushes him, and who (most of all) is there when he needs him. However, I'm coming to realize that there is a difference between the rod of correction, and simple parental annoyance. Annoyance isn't the Holy Spirit--it's simply you, exhausted or tired of parenting, saying to your son or daughter, "I wish God never gave you to me."

Discipline, especially the discipline of a Christian home, cannot be a mere exercise in teaching your child to maintain order. It must have vision. You parents out there need to have a clear vision of what kind of man or woman your child is going to become, the kind of vision that my wife and I had when we looked at our infant son for the first time and saw (literally) the eyes of a miracle staring back up at us.

That's the vision which should always be in front of you as you correct your child.

Any effective discipline has to have a goal. In the military, discipline is used to create good soldiers. What is YOUR discipline intended to create in the home? Are you only interested in creating quiet, well-mannered children who do their homework and don't make a mess? If so, then you're raising your son or daughter to be no different than anyone else in our culture.

What if you raised your sights a little higher?

Spend some time on your knees, asking your Father in Heaven what He would want your son or daughter to become.

You might be surprised at how far He wants your child to go.