Why I Quit Grad School

It's one of the most foolish decisions I've ever made--or at least, so it seems to almost everyone I've talked to. Quitting my Ph.D. studies after becoming ABD, with only my dissertation standing in the way, has left a lot of people, including (I suspect) my in-laws scratching their heads. The fact is, however, that after months of prayer and several years of constant soul-searching, I'm not sorry I quit the program. My only regret is that I didn't make the decision sooner (and with a little more courage).

I had spent 10 years as a Ph.D. student at Texas Christian University, which was then known as one of the top rhetoric and composition programs in the nation, and with every passing year, I felt like my life and my studies were becoming more and more pointless. The whole mission of my life seemed to be presenting a false image of myself to look good in front of others in the dim hope that I could retain a job as a top-notch university instructor for 20 years and retire, and more and more, I became uneasy about what I was turning into. Henry David Thoreau said that most people live "quiet lives of desperation," and that was the life I was beginning to construct for myself, with no hope in sight.

When I met my (future) wife at a Christian message board site a few years ago, I realized that my heart yearned for something more--not for her, but for the same things she herself yearned for. All my life, I wanted to be a writer, to live a life of true love, joy, and happiness that was devoid of the kind of self-interest that seems to motivate most of our lives, to give something to others that would change their lives forever. My (future) wife and I both realized after talking with each other and becoming closer as friends that what we really wanted--really needed--was to live as Jesus lives, giving love to others. The profession I was preparing to enter was at odds with this drive inside of us, so after a lot of doubts, and a lot of arguments between us, I finally decided to quit the program. The decision was not an easy one to make, and for a while, I second-guessed it, but now, I'm sure it was the right thing to do--not only for my family but for my soul as well.

The reason I share my story here is because there is a mentality out there today that says you have to have "a career," or you're no good to anyone. Yes, I believe in work, and I believe that as a Christian man, I am called to work not only for my family but for the spread of the Kingdom of Christ. However, let's take a look at the "career" that most people say that you should have: 20 years of hard, steady work for hard, steady pay with (on average) $20,000 to $30,000/year increase in salary over that time (with perseverance and dedication), followed by a steady pension. What do most people do with that 20 years of work? Generally, they buy a house, buy 2 or 3 cars, accumulate furniture, televisions, and computers, and pay for their kids to go to college and repeat the same cycle all over again. This is fine--it's not wrong to have a steady paycheck that feeds your family--but it's also somewhat futile. Where's the impact on other people's lives? Where's the power of God? Where's the FAITH?

If you're a Christian and you're wondering what you should do with your life, jostling with other employees for a promotion or raise doesn't have to be your future. Start your own business. Start your own ministry. Do whatever it is the Lord has called you to do. Jesus walked this Earth doing whatever His Dad wanted Him to do, and He was willing to be homeless, to be hungry, and to be beaten to do it. The apostles, filled with the Holy Spirit (as all believers are), did the same thing--with no education, no rehearsal, and (often) no means. If you're a Christian and you feel the Lord wants you to do something--talk to someone about hope and love and Jesus, befriend that loser at your school who gets picked on by the other kids, go to the streets of your city where the homeless live--then what are you waiting for? Jesus never said to His disciples that they must first attend Hebrew synagogue, memorize the Pentateuch, and join the priesthood before they could follow Him. He just said, "Follow me." Following Christ is going to mean inconvenience for us, change, and (yes) just a little shade of terror, but hey, if the Maker of the universe could endure the terror of dying and rising from the dead for you, why can't you endure the terror of doing what you know He wants you to do?

In one of his letters, Paul said that we must do what Jesus calls us to do while it is called "today." I never hear Paul saying, "Wait until you're ready," or "Wait until everything is clearly in place before you move." After all, this was a man who (along with the apostles) was taught not to worry about what he would say when called before kings and governors to speak the Gospel, and he knew what it was like to obey the Lord even at the cost of his own life. Why are we any better than he was? Why should we assume that Jesus would want any less for us, just because we have social obligations?

If you're a Christian and you know the Lord is calling you to minister to someone else (or to many people) in a new, scary way, then you have only one option before you . . . act.

Do it--and keep praying and listening to the Lord. Because the more you obey Him, the more He'll lead you. Christianity is lived step by step, my friends, and with each new step comes the prospect of another, more difficult step. If you let Him lead you, however, as difficult as it may seem, you'll never go wrong.